Systemic Family Solutions - Bert Hellinger Family Constellation Work

Learning Circle with Stephan Hausner

Stephan: When destinies are grave, I let them go through my body as pure life. Work with the level of energy that the client brings in, no more. She brings in 30% and I bring in 30%. It can shift to 90% and I go with that. Or the other way, resistance comes up and energy decreases and my energy decreases. The therapist has the right to withdraw if he doesn't feel as though he can work with a person. You can give the money back. The client you don't work with is missing nothing. So, how do I go through my process. I expose myself to the client. The first thing I notice is usually the main theme or image. Can the person take easily or not? You can tell by the way a person sits next to you. Maybe they move their chair away and I may move closer again if I feel I can provoke a bit. Or they sit too close. Then I ask a question opposite to the feeling. If I feel they can't take, then I say, "What can I do for you?" I give all. If they crowd me, I say, "What do you want? What kind of a person are you?" I'm trying to irritate. Silence irritates also.

The person comes in their fantasy. Don't enter it. The number of resources the person has determines the level of provocation. They have few resources, then not much provocation. Then the person tells something about someone and I tune in with that person, get a feeling of whether what he's saying is the relevant thing or not. If not, I ask about another person and see the response. I form my own image and set up the person in my image. We can see if my image is right, is it complete, is it wrong, should I go another way? Go as far as the person feels able. You don't need to do it all. You can take a step. Open yourself to all the members of the family. Hear what the person says and feel who it may hurt - the father? The mother? I know the client is acting out of deep love for the family. Deep down, no one wants to hurt another so you must ask, what happened to cause the person to want to hurt another? The events in the family history influence us, and our attitude towards those effects determine how these events affect us. The solution lies in a certain attitude. Via the constellation, we can find the best attitude. As one saw with the son, standing in front of the mother, he'll never get her. He'll try though and even give up his own life. The right attitude to the mother has an effect on him and on the mother. This work also affects the other family members - like a mobile. For example, a child does a constellation. In her life, she and her mother have no contact. The mother is in another city and feels worried, especially in that the child carries something for her. After the constellation occurred, the mother called the daughter and asked how she was, is she OK? The daughter says, "I'm fine. There's no need to worry."

We're in touch with all the children - including stillborn and adopted children - half siblings, siblings, mothers and fathers and their siblings, grandparents and their siblings and those who made way for members of the family or suffered to the family's benefit. We must be in resonance with all. Especially with the excluded people. When we're not in resonance, illness happens.

The basic question is, who belongs to the system and has been excluded? A person is excluded when there is overwhelming pain. When a baby's mother dies, the baby is overwhelmed and the mother is excluded. Or the father is an alcoholic and the child is afraid to take him. It's easier to exclude him. Everyone we exclude comes in through the back door.

An adopted child who deals with adoption correctly, has 4 parents. Two from whom he got life and two others who supported and nourished him. When the child is able to take life from the biological parents, then he is able to take nourishment from others. If he can't take life from his biological parents, he can't get nourishment from others. The child must be in tune with the biological parents who gave him away by saying, "I agree."

Self-healing forces are most active when we are in tune with the life we have, with our parents and further back. Sometimes something gets in the way - overwhelming pain, a decision we could not see the consequences of, resentments we are unaware of. Some patterns continue till we get in tune with the past. A person in tune with the past has a future. A person that is angry with the past is bonded there and has no future. This work looks for those bonds, solves them, to allow the capacity for the future. You can't solve the problems of the past. One condition for peace is to let he past be past. Most wars appear because we are not in tune with, in agreement with, the past. We want revenge.

Solutions give distance from the family - you're standing alone. The problem keeps you connected. It's easier to stand with the family with a problem than to stand alone with the solution. That way, a solution can only go with a bad conscience. With a good conscience we stay connected to the family. Bad boys can stand a bad conscience.

In every problem, there is benefit. In nature, no energy is given to anything in vain. No energy into anything not needed. Some people put all energy into a problem. They get a huge benefit from the problem and it is only resolved when you offer them something of equivalent value.

With regard to children and addiction, it's hard to get in contact with the addicted person, hard to get them to confide in you because it is hard for them to trust. They only trust if the therapist understands the love behind the problem. Otherwise they will not confide in the therapist. For example, an addicted person's parents try to stand between the person and their addiction. If you look at the love behind the addiction, the client feels respected and confides in the therapist, opens his heart to the therapist. Therapy means maximum freedom for the client. You can't exclude the addiction. When parents accept this and reject that in what children do, children do what parents reject. Children need boundaries but also freedom to do everything in developing.

Intuition is not directed towards knowledge, but towards inclusion. Then intuition is liberated. This but not this? Intuition gone. The therapist must liberate himself from judgment. A child puts all their energy into a problem; if the therapist judges it, a client won't be able to go along with the therapist. Same with the diagnosis.

A facilitator can get into the field by being a representative. After representing someone, your attitude will change. Your soul gets richer with each representation. Your image broadens on each subject you participate in. The client feels this and can open themselves to you. In the work, your own intuition will kick in, you will see the dynamic and your way to the solution. Don't use this as a recipe, try it and if confirmed, go on. Also, the focus is on what the client needs now. The work must relate to the issue. Bert was asked once, "What is more important, ideology or people, and what are you ready to sacrifice for what?" What is more important, therapies or the client?

 

Stephan's 2008 USA Dates:

 

6 Day Constellation Intensive

July 28-August 4 in Farmington, CT.

see http://www.systemicinstitute.com/index.php?page_id=5

Contact: Ed Lynch

 

Illness and Soul

October 17-19

Contact: HellingerDC@aol.com

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